Hang Em' Up: A Bad Boy Sports Pregnancy Romance Page 3

  I wanted to see her again. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to be with her with both of us sober and see where it went. I wanted to get to know each other as people and not just as drunk sex partners.

  It hadn’t been wild. It had been soft and sensual. As far as I could remember, anyway. I remembered it well, but it happened just before things came across differently when I was drunk.

  Slowly, people started stirring, waking up, complaining about headaches. They filtered out of the house one by one. Some of them looked for food first, but the house was empty. Liv and I always made sure there was little to eat after a party so the stragglers would leave as soon as they woke up.

  Liv stumbled out of her bedroom about two hours later, and she looked like death warmed over. Her hair was a mess, sticking up on one side, her face was pasty and she squinted her eyes against the light.

  “God, that was crazy.”

  I smiled and nodded. “Just the way we like it.”

  “Not afterward, though. Not ever.”

  I shrugged. There was always an aftermath after a night like last night.

  “Have you seen Jess?” Liv filled a bottle with water and drank almost the whole thing before taking another gulp of air.

  I shook my head. “She left earlier.” Of course, I hadn’t seen that, but I felt like I had to stick up for her. I felt like I was the reason she’d left in the first place. Not in a bad way, though.

  “That’s weird,” Liv said and refilled her water bottle. She walked out of the kitchen.

  Late afternoon, I got in my car and drove to Jess’s parents’ place. I assumed she’d be staying with them until she started working and earned enough to move out. I’d dropped her off here a couple of times when we were younger.

  The place looked a little different than I remembered, but I was sure I was at the right place. I walked up to the front door and knocked.

  Jess opened up. When she saw who it was, she looked over her shoulder.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, stepping out and closing the door behind her.

  I frowned. “Don’t want to be seen with me?”

  She shook her head. “It’s not that. I just don’t want my parents to ask questions.”

  “Why not?”

  She just looked at me without answering.

  I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I moved along. “I wanted to talk about last night.”

  She took a deep breath like she wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t sure where it was going now, either. Somehow, I expected a greeting that was a little warmer, something other than the cold, hush-hush feeling I was getting now. “Do you want to take a drive?”

  She hesitated a second before she nodded.

  As we walked to my car, I was aware of the distance between us, how far she was walking from me. She walked around and opened her own car door before I could do it for her. She was a great person, but the truth was that I didn’t know Jess at all. Not the way I wanted to.

  We just drove around the corner and I parked under a massive oak that hung over the road. Our neighborhood was old, the kind of place you saw in movies.

  “You don’t seem like you’re very happy about what happened last night,” I said, getting straight to the point. Since I’d arrived at her place, Jess had seemed distant.

  “It’s not that,” she said, looking at her hands in her lap. “I just don’t know exactly how to react now that it’s happened.”

  I looked at her. She studied her hands intently like they were more interesting than looking at me.

  “I don’t see why we can’t see each other. “

  There it was. I threw it out right away, let it fall where it may. She looked at me and her eyes were guarded. Big and blue and completely impossible to read.

  “Logan…”

  I waited for her to continue. She was silent for long enough that I knew what the next sentence was going to be.

  “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

  So this was what it felt like to be on the receiving end. I’d said something similar to several girls off after one-night stands. Men took shit like that for granted, for sure.

  “You don’t want to even talk about it?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything to talk about. It was a great night, don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret it. But you’re Liv’s brother. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  I didn’t get it. So she was my sister’s friend. What difference did it make? It wasn’t like she was breaking some kind of code, was it?

  “I don’t understand.”

  She looked at me, and her face was apologetic.

  “You’re a great guy, Logan. I know this because I know you, but I grew up knowing you as more of a brother, and the truth is, I don’t think this is going to work. It was a great night, but I don’t think we should make a habit of this. It’s better if we just carry on the way we were before.”

  I tried to argue with her, tried to tell her what I thought. I didn’t think it was wrong for her to be dating me if she was Liv’s friend. I wasn’t home most of the time, anyway.

  “I like you.” There it was. I was throwing it all out there. I didn’t usually make all the moves like that, especially not so soon, but I’d known her so long that it felt like this had been coming without me even realizing about it. “I like you, and I want to get to know you better. What if it works out? What if we’re really great together?”

  She took a deep breath. “I know what you’re trying to say, Logan, and if things were different, maybe we could make it work. I just don’t think this is a good idea, not with the way things are now.”

  I wanted her to give me a chance. I wanted her to give it a shot. My head was pounding, I was hanging like a bitch and I wanted to go home, but instead I was sitting with Jess asking her to consider me. And she was turning me down.

  Where did any of that make sense?

  “You don’t even want to give it a chance?”

  It was worth another shot. Wasn’t it? She seemed like she was worth fighting for. I didn’t see it before, but we were all kids then. I saw it now.

  “I’m really sorry, Logan. I just don’t see how this is going to work. Liv and I have been friends for years and years. If you and I start dating now, that’s going to jeopardize our friendship and I can’t do that to her. There were some places you just don’t go… you know?”

  I shook my head. I heard what she was saying, but I didn’t understand

  “We already went there, though.”

  She closed her eyes. “I know, Logan. It was a mistake, though.”

  There it was. The punch in the gut she’d managed to avoid dishing out during the whole conversation. I felt winded even though she hadn’t physically touched me.

  “I thought you said you didn’t regret it.” I sounded bitter. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t.

  Jess sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. “Please, Logan. It is what it is. It happened, and I’m not even trying to change that. I just don’t think it’s going to work, and it would be really great if you could just respect that.”

  God, I hated it when women threw respect into the mix. In my opinion, it had to do with emotions. Wasn’t it usually the other way round – the men wanted the once-off and the women came crying about it afterward? Talk about emasculation.

  I nodded, finally accepting defeat even though it hurt. I started the car and drove the short distance back to her house. I dropped her off and pulled away before she had a chance to turn and wave at me.

  Chapter 5

  At first, everything felt wrong. I was back at home, but nothing felt the way it used to. I spent a lot of time with Liv, and spending around to her house should have been the way it was before, but it was different. She was grown up, I was grown up, and somewhere in between our last visits before we left and our visits when we returned, we ran out of things to say to each other.

  She was still my best friend, and I had
no doubt that I was still hers, but it felt like we had grown apart. Besides that, I couldn’t stop remembering what I’d done there at the party. Suddenly, the house was filled with Logan even when he wasn’t there. I found myself looking for him every time I was. My heart beat sped up when I realized he was on the premises, and I had to scold myself into submission.

  Flashes of our night together – blurry through alcohol, cloaked in powerful remembered emotions – hung in the corners of my mind. Liv wanted to know what happened that night, and I told her about everything but the sex. She didn’t need to know. It would only drive us apart even more, and it already felt like I was losing her.

  I started looking for a job because that was what grownups did. I went for interviews. I needed to get my life on track. I got to know the local law practices and told them I was going to take my bar exam in a couple of months. Everyone seemed happy to have me. My future was bright, and I was back home. Everything was going the way it should have.

  Until I got sick. It started off as a light flu. I woke up with my head pounding and my body feeling weak and drained. I didn’t have a runny nose, but I was nauseous, too.

  I took flu meds that I bought over the counter and stayed in bed for a couple of days until it passed.

  It passed and then it came back again.

  “I don’t know what’s going on,” I said to Liv, lying on her bed.

  “Maybe you’re stressed.”

  I shook my head. My head was pounding. I closed my eyes.

  “I’ve been under real stress during my exams and stuff at college. I don’t think this is stress. I can deal with stress.”

  When I looked up at her, she had her nose in a magazine.

  “Why don’t you go to the doctor?”

  It was a normal suggestion, but it felt a little like she was shutting me down. Maybe it was all in my head, maybe I was just being a little frantic. Maybe growing up was just unpleasant sometimes.

  “Are we okay?” I asked.

  “What?” Liv looked up from her magazine. “What are you talking about?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. It just feels… different. We used to be super close, and now it feels like we’re not really the way we used to be.”

  Liv laughed. “You’re being all dramatic on me, Jess.”

  I leaned up on my elbows. “You think so?”

  She laughed again and nodded. “You’re being melodramatic, in fact. You’re like my sister. If we don’t talk all the time, it just means we’re really comfortable with each other. It’s fine when it’s quiet, too.”

  It sounded like it made sense. I wasn’t sure, though. Liv came to the bed and gave me a hug. “Really, we’re fine. I love you. You know that.”

  I smiled. “I love you too. I think there’s just so much changing. Getting a job, growing up, looking to move out… God, it’s a bit much.”

  “I know, right?” Liv stayed on the bed, and it felt like maybe she was right. Maybe it was totally fine and I had just been melodramatic.

  The doctor’s appointment was two days later. I sat in the office feeling rotten. I was very nauseous, even the thought of food made my stomach turn. I explained to the doctor what was going on.

  She looked at me. “Nauseous, you say? When did that start?”

  I thought back. “About two weeks ago?”

  She nodded and made a note. She ran through a couple of questions, and then she looked at me and put down her pen. She interlaced her fingers on the desk.

  “Have you had sexual intercourse recently?”

  I frowned. “What?”

  “You know… you’re young, probably attract a lot of boys.”

  Right. that was a joke. I wasn’t the kind of girl who attracted a lot of boys. I had slept with Logan that one time, though. What was it, two months now? I nodded slowly.

  She nodded. “I want to take some blood and send it off.”

  “What are you suggesting?”

  She smiled at me. “I’m just eliminating all the options one by one until we find the problem. Pregnancy is possible.”

  “It was just once, though.”

  “Did you wear protection?”

  I hesitated before shaking my head.

  She nodded as if she’d expected that. It was a little condescending. “Once is enough.”

  She drew blood and labeled the vial.

  “I’ll let you know as soon as this comes back,” she said. “Until then, I’m giving you something for nausea, at least.” She scribbled a prescription on a notepad and handed it to me. “One whenever you feel nauseous, not more than every four hours, but I doubt it will be that severe.”

  I felt shell-shocked. I took the prescription from her and tucked it into my pocket. There was no way I could be pregnant. I couldn’t do it now with my life just starting. It was just a bug, something doing the rounds.

  “I’ll see you soon, Jessica.”

  I nodded and left the office. There was no way I could raise a child. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be a mother now. I needed to get a job – starting at a law office would mean I would spend almost all my time there. Having a baby would jeopardize my future before it even started.

  And what about Logan? He would obviously be the father. I hadn’t slept with anyone before or since.

  I shook off the idea and went home. The blood test would come back negative. It would be something else, and the doctor would give me medicine that would make it go away. My life would go back to normal in no time. It was already normal. There was nothing else to it.

  A week went by. The doctor’s appointment was in the back of my mind all the time; it shadowed everything I did. I was sure the doctor would let me know everything was fine. It was just be a matter of time.

  She phoned me the next day. “Jessica, I got the results of your blood test.”

  “And?”

  She hesitated. “I want you to come into the office for me.”

  “Can’t you just tell me? Is it a virus?”

  “I’m going to put you through to my receptionist. Will you book a time with her that’s convenient?”

  “Why can’t you just tell me?”

  “I’ll see you later, Jess.”

  She hung up the phone. Why hadn’t she just told me? My stomach knotted with nerves. I swallowed hard. Nausea flared up again, and I fought down rising panic. I hadn’t told anyone, not even Liv. I hadn’t thought it would be necessary. It would be stupid to get everyone worked up over a false alarm. Now, I wished I could talk to at least my friend about it.

  I was suddenly terrified. I told myself over and over again that it wouldn’t be bad, wouldn’t be serious. If it was, it would be curable. Maybe she was going to tell me that something else was wrong. Maybe pregnancy wasn’t it. Maybe it was something else, and I was freaking out for nothing.

  Right. That was it. It was something else. It wouldn’t be easy to hear, but at least it wouldn’t impact my future too much.

  If I told myself often enough, I would be able to go to the doctor’s office thinking it was something else. I would be less nervous for that.

  It was the perfect afternoon when I walked into the doctor’s office a few days later. The sun was shining, the trees were green and birds were chirping. It was sickeningly cliché. I smiled at the receptionist when I walked in.

  “She’s ready for you; you can go through.”

  I swallowed. The door to the office opened, and she stood in the doorway.

  “Hello, Jess.” She smiled, and I wasn’t able to read her face. Her mask was firmly in place, and I didn’t know what news I was going to get.

  I sat down in the chair opposite her, one leg over the other, and put my hands on my knee.

  “I can beat about the bush before I get to the reason you’re here, but I’m just going to come straight out with the results.”

  She picked up a piece of paper and handed it to me. “You’re pregnant.”

  Blood drained from my face. My ears started ringing. I tri
ed to read the piece of paper, but the words blurred and I wiped my eyes with my thumb and forefinger.

  “This has got to be a mistake.”

  “It’s not, Jess.”

  “Don’t pregnancy tests come up with false positives all the time?”

  She shook her head. “Not blood tests. The home tests can be wrong, but the blood tests are a lot more accurate. It has happened before that it wasn’t right, but chances are that’s not the case here.”

  I looked at the paper again. My mind had gone blank. I felt numb. I still couldn’t figure out what the piece of paper said, but it didn’t matter. This wasn’t some kind of virus or something more serious like diabetes or a syndrome or anything. It was as simple and as complicated as a pregnancy.

  “Jess? Are you okay?”

  I looked up at her. “What do I do now?”

  She smiled at me, a soft smile, as if she understood that I wasn’t alright and she knew how I felt.

  “I’m going to refer you to an excellent gynecologist and I’m going to give you the number of a clinic that does family planning. You need to make sure you’re healthy, and then you need to decide what you want to do.”

  She didn’t have to say it outright. Family planning clinics were places you could go to get advice about an abortion. The idea of an abortion… my stomach turned again, and I thought I might throw up.

  “Are you close with the father?”

  I nodded before I changed my mind and shook my head. He wanted to be close. It was the last thing I wanted. Did he deserve to know? Even if abortion was a possibility? What was the right thing to do in a situation like this?

  “Look, Jess, even if you decide not to tell him, you need to turn to someone who can support you. This is a difficult time for you no matter what you choose. Find someone who can be there for you and help you through the hard decisions and times. We all need someone at our back.”

  I nodded and stood up. I was in a daze. What the hell was I going to do?

  I looked at the clinic’s number. It felt like a betrayal to even think about ending a life, but what about my life that was just beginning?